Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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