These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and she was petting her beer can
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
