good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
