My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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