porn star boner night. come get it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
