from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
