So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
