Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
