I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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