He is an equal opportunity slut.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
