i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
