This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
