I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
