Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
