It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
