it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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