Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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