that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
