The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
