I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
