I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
