walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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