I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
accomplished twins. life is a go
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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