So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
