The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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