If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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