Your face is a jimmy john
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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