Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
vagina is talking i cant
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
