I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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