I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
