That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
