I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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