I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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