I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
