i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
