respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
