I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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