I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
