I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
