dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
