You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
