I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
