Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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