I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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