Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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