would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
