Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
