Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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