I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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