Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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